The Jesus Way of Relationships

Following Jesus is not a linear relationship for leaders or anyone else. It is all about our relating and relationships along the way. For me, Eugene Peterson sums things up for us nicely in his book The Jesus Way:

I want to counter the common reduction of “way” to a road,

a route, a line on a map—a line that we can use to find our

way to eternal life; such reduction means the elimination of

way as a metaphor, the reduction of way to a lifeless technology.

The Way that is Jesus is not only the roads that Jesus walked in

Galilee and to Jerusalem but also the way Jesus walked on those

roads, the way he acted, felt, talked, gestured, prayed, healed,

taught and died. And the way of his resurrection. The Way that

is Jesus cannot be reduced to information or instruction. The

Way is a person whom we believe and follow as God-with-us.

—EUGENE H. PETERSON, THE JESUS WAY

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?

—James 2:14 NIV.

Looking around these days, it seems like too many of us who claim to be Christians have been seduced into the notion that salvation is a matter of correct beliefs about Jesus. It’s a scary thought that the devil and we could believe the same things about God with no related behavioral change! Shouldn’t our salvation demonstrate some corresponding change in lifestyle?

For better or worse, leaders have an air about them.

Those motivated by people-pleasing or performance will exploit people. Intentionally or not, this sets up a manipulative, codependent culture. A leader like this can look so good on the outside too—but their leadership style stinks. Basing their identity on highs born from image, success metrics, control, religious rationale, and problem mitigation, such a leader treats both those they lead and those they serve as nothing more than pawns in the game. If these characteristics turn up in the life of your leadership, call a spiritual hazmat team, quick!

There is a lot of fear, pain, and wrong thinking rattling around in the narrative of codependents. As you’ve probably figured out, none of the outcomes have fairy-tale endings to them—no matter how good the rationale.

Most of us who use tablets or smartphones are familiar with the term default system. Samsung products come preloaded with an Android operating system as its default, while Apple’s default operating system is iOS. Both govern the way we use our devices—dictating its capabilities and limits. Whatever our operating system, you and I get so used to how it works that the idea of switching is practically inconceivable.

As part of our nature, you and I are also “preloaded” with a default operating system that guides both our spiritual life and our central nervous system—that guidance system is fear.

I can’t count the number of occasions I’ve heard this verse misquoted to explain the importance of articulating a clear and compelling vision for people to follow. Immature leaders with vibrant, personal charisma are especially at risk for misuse of this verse. Taken in context, the original word translated as vision refers to the kind of revelation that comes from God. The weight remains in His hands. It’s not about motivating others to fulfill a compelling vision—it’s about articulating a clear revelation coming directly from God or Scripture. To be led by God in our leadership means being purposeful to make room for Him to share His heart for us and the kinds of things He’d like us to join Him in.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been a massive music fan–especially songs with rich, textured rhythm and harmonies. My young ears were captivated by the beat and harmonies of Simon and Garfunkel, CSNY, The Beatles, and The Moody Blues, to name just a few. Over the years, my love for the layers of music only grew. Viscerally, I feel music—I don’t just hear it.

It was a perfect beach day. The surf was relatively calm and occasionally broken by a series of larger swells ideal for body surfing or boogie boards. Contentedly, I lounged in my chair under the shade of a large umbrella. The gentle breeze kept my skin cool despite the heat.

Recently, I read the Guidepost Solutions report about sexual abuse within Southern Baptist Convention churches. The events, coverups, and victim-blaming made me sick. Once I recovered from my bout of nausea, I began to reflect.

Biblically, how can we allow perpetrators to follow up their abuse by further preying on their vulnerable victims? Financial liability that may imperil the spread of the gospel is no viable excuse for the coverups, intimidation, slander, and further traumatization of these abuse victims by lead members of the SBC’s Executive Committee. Really, should the fear of liability and loss be our number one priority?

Many of us have strayed far from Jesus’ Great Commission—if we even know what it is! Needless to say, the road to discipleship needs repair.

Perhaps our navigation system is broken, or we forgot where we are headed in the first place. Maybe we were pointed in the wrong direction entirely and wonder why we seem to be circling the same old relational landmarks of relationship problems and sin habits. Continuing the way we’ve been going and expecting to arrive at a different destination is, in a word, nuts.

Jesus’ command to make disciples doesn’t require higher math or years of advanced study. Being no fan of arithmetic, I’m thankful He solved the “discipleship equation” so simply that even a young child can follow. In Matthew 28:19-20, He adds up the three essential parts for us:

Small groups can be a source of life, growth, and grace. So why do so many pastors have gripes about the development of small group ministry in their church? Honestly, there are a lot of reasons.

Eternity starts here and now! Don’t miss it. Grace is so much more than unmerited favor. To receive the grace of God through Jesus means accepting that God has a boundless capacity of relational grace toward us as well as toward every other person we meet (and we all know we all need it!). Do you have a habit of looking at other people through this sort of generous, grace-based lens? Because of His capacity, God can honestly see each person as his most special and favorite, times infinity. No limits. Maybe we need new glasses?

God’s grace empowers us to sit quietly with ourselves and one another, so we become brave enough to be seen out in the open. Wild things that we are, if you and I love one another—in good times and bad, through best behavior and our foibles—you and I will demonstrate his faithful presence as well as our own.

My heart is breaking for my friends in Ukraine. The invasion of Ukraine is much more than the latest hot, trendy, geopolitical news. It’s far beyond the realm of issues the media typically seizes upon to stir up emotions in the hope of generating higher ratings.

To me, it’s personal.

For years, people told me over and over again that grace changes the spiritual atmosphere around them. I agree. Within the family of God, grace is a catalyst for transformation in every area of life. 

A force to be reckoned with, it is God’s vision for His special and favorite family members—and for those whom He longs to adopt. Grace-based relationships found here afford us what many of our families of origin could not. It is the seedbed for encountering God’s grace and presence. 

Each of us needs people who really see and know who we are to remind us of who we are in Christ, especially during the times when we seem to forget. Apart from a close community, we cannot expect lasting spiritual transformation. You know the saying, “It takes a village”? We are called to show up with our offering of presence for one another—that includes our grace, our gifts, and our talents.

God created our natural family to help powerfully shape our identity and attachment through the Four Amazing Rs of Relational, Grace-Based Attachment (from now on, these will be referred to as the Four Amazing Rs). Our families help each of us learn what it means to accomplish four vital tasks:

God designed our natural family to be the place where you and I learn to live in grace. Drawing on what we now know about grace helps each of us better understand His intention for grace in the context of our spiritual families too. For those who have received Jesus, family is a space where relationships remain bigger and more important than our problems. Here, grace can form bonds, attachments, and identity in the good ways that you and I need. Unfortunately, the family that raises us can also be a place where bad things happen. That being the case, you can count on it: the grace you and I experience through family interactions has been—and will be—formed and tested through good times and stormy, alike. Grace points to a profound relational need—a reciprocal one. Each of us is born with it. Naturally, that need is magnified in families.

It’s pretty easy to miss Jesus when we create Him in our own image. It’s even worse when we confuse our agenda with His!