The Jesus Way of Relationships
Following Jesus is not a linear relationship for leaders or anyone else. It is all about our relating and relationships along the way. For me, Eugene Peterson sums things up for us nicely in his book The Jesus Way:
I want to counter the common reduction of “way” to a road,
a route, a line on a map—a line that we can use to find our
way to eternal life; such reduction means the elimination of
way as a metaphor, the reduction of way to a lifeless technology.
The Way that is Jesus is not only the roads that Jesus walked in
Galilee and to Jerusalem but also the way Jesus walked on those
roads, the way he acted, felt, talked, gestured, prayed, healed,
taught and died. And the way of his resurrection. The Way that
is Jesus cannot be reduced to information or instruction. The
Way is a person whom we believe and follow as God-with-us.
—EUGENE H. PETERSON, THE JESUS WAY
Because our connections with God and others matter most, you and I, as we lead, must prioritize the importance of building and maintaining grace-based attachments. As we work to fulfill our call, we must actively engage relationships—otherwise, we are missing the point. There are no lone-ranger disciples—you and I must connect in grace with others. What does that look like? Here are some specific questions we should each be asking ourselves:
• Are my relationships characterized by grace? (special and favorite)
• Do I feel and extend compassion toward others? (stomach-turning concern)
• As I interact with others, do I actively and appropriately demonstrate mercy? (a posture of humility and yieldedness)
• Am I harboring unforgiveness toward anyone? (grudges, resentment, hatred)
• Am I good at cleaning up my relational messes? (apologies, repentance, restitution)
You see, Jesus throws out a challenge to you and me in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5). He asks each of us to consider what we are not doing when it comes to our relationships, particularly those with whom we are closest. Let’s face it, we can all fake it pretty well when we have to, but if we pretend the bad stuff doesn’t happen, the good things can’t either. On a personal level, we stunt ourselves and others by ignoring issues. When you and I take the time to clean up our interpersonal messes, we demonstrate the importance of God and others.
I remember one particular test in this area. I was still in the surgical center, hooked up to the monitors, following an outpatient back injection. For some reason, my wife and I decided this was a good time to talk about our calendars (Mistake #1). You see, the two of us have a track record of having triggering moments when we do this. Maritza makes great plans, and I always have tons of stuff to do. As a result, life easily gets overprogrammed—and the tension snaps. Add my aggravated tone of voice to this recurring issue, and we are off . . .
We weren’t making a huge stink, but my monitors were—my heart rate and blood pressure started climbing. When the nurse poked her head in through the curtain to check on me, she took one look at the numbers and, with an accusing tone, asked Maritza, “What did you do to him?” Simply put: our issues lit up the devices. My inability to take the time to quiet myself, feel compassion, and view my beloved as God does resulted in Maritza’s frustration and the monitors going haywire. Right away, I knew I had made a mess that needed cleaning up. I needed to back up, apologize for my impatience, make sure she knew how deeply I loved her. In that moment, my actions needed to prove our relationship meant more to me than my schedule.
Learn more about what I call The G.R.A.C.E.S. of Leadership in future blogs. Or, get a copy of The Weight of Leadership: How Codependency and Misplaced Mercy Undermine Life and Ministry coming September 2022.